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The problem is not with the word “feel” but rather with including the word “like” immediately following. That word should always be followed by an equal/parallel comparison to what comes before the verb. For example, “That guy’s running style is like my brother’s walking style: weird.”
But here’s what I have heard way too often: “I feel like John is not doing a good job,” or “I feel like John hates me,” or similar wordings. But what they mean to say is, “I believe that John is not doing a good job,” or perhaps more accurately: “It is my opinion that John is not doing a good job.” Although the speaker may have a particular emotional response to John’s work, the speaker is only expressing an opinion or maybe even a conclusion based on observation and evaluation. He may have factual data for his view. But the person is only expressing thoughts or opinions, not emotions. Here is what should have been said, “I feel sad (hurt, disappointed, angry, etc.) when I see John not performing at the level he used to.” So, why do we tend to change a statement of opinion into a statement of emotional response? In my opinion, an interesting phenomenon has occurred since the onset of the new millennium that has become a major complicating factor in our language usage. During the late 1980s and ’90s, America saw a resurgence of interest in psychology and sociology through what we refer to today as the self-help movement. Tons of books filled the shelves of bookstores on such topics as “How to take care of yourself,” “How to be a better you,” etc. One of the major emphases of these books focused on personal recognition of the importance of owning one’s own “feelings” or emotions. Here’s the argument behind these assertions: If you express your emotions or “feelings,” then no one can argue with you. Other people do not know what you are feeling inside. They can only see the results. So, if you say, “I am sad,” no one can argue with you. The only possible thing they can say is, “No, you don’t.” And, of course, that would be absurd. Logical discussion cannot exist because of the element of emotion; logic and rationality are dismissed as irrelevant when we are speaking of one’s own emotions. The logic behind this argument seemed flawless except for one overlooked and obvious problem: The human brain. Allow me to explain. The human brain has a unique ability to twist ideas to its benefit. The brain can literally tell itself a lie, then turn around and believe every word of the lie. This statement may sound absurd. But, if you, my reader, were truly honest with yourself, you would be compelled to agree with me. Remember that when I say “the brain,” I’m talking about your thought processes as a human person: you. Think about this. How often have you believed something to be true and later found out it wasn’t true? You would admit your mistake and then change your thinking about it. Right? However, consider the following: Let’s say you deeply believed that you were a worthless person. Then someone came along and told you that you had worth, that you were simply a human being who makes mistakes which never make you a bad person. It only means you are human. Your first response would be to think the other person only talks about themselves, not you. Please believe me when I say that the above event happens many hundreds of times every day. The reason we as humans have trouble accepting other people’s “opinions” is that we have chosen (for whatever reason—and there could be millions of reasons—you have chosen to believe that you are worthless. What you have said to yourself is, “I feel worthless.” So, since you framed it in the form of an emotion, no one can argue with you. You “feel” that you are worthless. The problem with this type of thinking is that your mind has convinced you to believe a lie. The statement “I feel worthless” is an incorrect statement because the brain has substituted the “opinion of worthless” for emotion, not because it is not true but rather because you worded it incorrectly. In reality, the thought, “I feel worthless,” is an expression of an opinion, not an emotion. The proper wording should be I BELIEVE I am worthless. But, since we as humans can change our minds about opinions, we have control over what we believe. Perhaps you think that I am the crazy one. Well, I’m not going to argue that point. Then again, I would consider that as your “opinion” even though it is, in my opinion, incorrect—but it is still an opinion. That means you can change your mind about it. The brain has tricked your mind into thinking “feeling worthless” is an emotion; therefore, no one can really argue with you since you own your own “feelings.” Thus, the problem becomes the following: I must be worthless since I “feel” worthless. When in reality, your brain has told you a lie using your knowledge against you. You believe “feeling worthless” is an expression of an emotion and is unarguable. But, the assumption that worthless is an emotion is where the lie stands. The truth is that “worthless” is not an emotion but is an opinion only. It is an opinion with no facts to back it up. Therefore, it must be a worthless opinion, or it is an incorrect opinion. Either way, the opinion of being worthless is up for debate. And the debate against “being worthless” is far stronger than any debate in favor since you are a human being capable of changing your opinions. But, what happens is that once your brain recognizes that your thoughts of worthlessness are baseless opinions, your brain opens up to the possibility that you are not worthless but truly worth others’ love and respect. The brain can handle logic. But the brain has difficulty handling a statement of opinion that may be false on the surface and not worth the time and effort to consider as an arguable frame of reference. So, if you identify an opinion, or even a logical assumption, to be an emotion, the brain moves that assumption into the sector of unarguable understandings since it is simply an emotion and not an opinion. The statement becomes a permanent part of your belief system. And that is part of the brain that drives everything you do, think, and say. But, if you identify something as an opinion, your brain will allow it to be questioned and maybe even changed—if you desire it so. The brain automatically recognizes opinions as arguable or at least not necessarily true. The human brain is an amazing organ that is almost endless in its potential for adaptation and change. The part that fascinates me is the brain’s ability to be trained in one way and later can overcome anything it deems as no longer necessary. I have witnessed changes and alterations in people that some would say was miraculous. And it is events like that which reinforce my belief in an almighty God. What am I talking about here? I am not reflecting on human traits that are controlled by our DNA or the elements like our lymphatic and respiratory systems. I write of those areas that are malleable such as our emotional responses, our opinions, and our rational thought processes. No one can change those elements about you except you. However, If you want to change your opinion of someone, that person can’t stop you. They can offer you reasons and evidence that you should not. But no one can force you to change your opinions. You may say you’ve changed your mind to convince that person to think you have. But your opinion may not change unless you decide to change it. But there is a small rock in the shoe of the brain, and this is your self-will. No one can stop you from changing your mind. And no one can make you change your mind, either. Your mind is under your control, no one else’s. Your response may be this: “I cannot change the way I am.” Of course, the problem with that is that you know you can if you want to. That statement should be stated as “I don’t want to change the way I am.” Now, here I must stop and remind you that much of what I say is, of course, my opinion. But it is my opinion based on years of studying the topic, research into the science and opinions of experts, and my observations as a teacher of more than thirty years. If I learned anything from my years in the classroom is that I cannot teach anyone anything. I can only offer motivation and opportunity for the people in the classroom to learn—if they want to. Even here in this article, all I can do is offer you a few facts and many opinions. It is up to you to accept or reject or (maybe?) consider what is here. Hopefully, I have convinced you to be open to new ideas, new ways of thinking, and an opportunity to consider the possibilities I have presented. I was raised in a very conservative, Republican, Christian home. My father and mother have been educated at a “Christian” college. As a teenager in the 1960s, I never did drugs, drank very little alcohol, and rarely used tobacco and never even “weed.” I was educated in four state universities and two Baptist seminaries. And yet, during my doctoral studies at LSU, I was introduced to the segment of literary criticism known as “Feminist Critical Thought.” I was not enthusiastic about learning this perspective. But my professors insisted it was necessary. To this day, she and I have very different religious, political, and critical perspectives. Yet, I hold a deep appreciation for her for introducing me to a different way of looking at literature. Oh, and the thesis of my dissertation was highly dependent upon her “viewpoint,” which I resisted learning—at first. My point is simple. We must open our minds and hearts to new ways and new possibilities available to us as humans. Our lives might be radically changed or, at least, influenced by them. But the final decisions remain with you. In opening ourselves to new ways of thinking and different perspectives and viewpoints, we never lose the control to either accept or reject. Thus, you retain the ability to change whenever you want to. And we are never hampered by a brain that might play tricks on us. We’re still the one who is in control. Thank you for the opportunity to share a few thoughts you may wish to ponder, reject, or accept. It is your prerogative. Few things bother me more than the way most people butcher and destroy our American English language. I recognize that almost immediately, I will have offended every British reader. They speak “The Queen’s English.” So I apologize on the front end to those of the Land of England, where the English language was born. However, there is one euphemism that even the British may often misuse, but not as much as we Americans do. However, I feel certain that even the speakers of The Queens English may agree with me on this one. What bothers me is that people in the USA continuously use the phrase “I feel like …” followed by some statement that is more of an opinion or personal thought rather than anything to do with emotions. In my study of the English language, the word “feel” has always meant an expression of one’s emotions (i.e. “feelings”). Here are some examples: “I feel fine” or “I feel hurt.” The word “feel” needs a direct modifier that relates to one’s emotions, not opinions or ideas.
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The Importance of Self-Care |
 | If you're like most people nearly all around the world these days, you may have run out of things to do. My wife has cleaned every inch of our house. And I think she's just about ready to start over again. Me? I'm working at my day job at home because I'm writing this to show the contrast you may understand. |
The U S of A (and several other countries) is virtually closed down, it seems and most people are at home or in an empty office. My view is to simply take it as an opportunity do things put off until that time to get "around to it." Perhaps this is that time. And I have a few suggestions for you from my forthcoming book title, Take a Chance on Happiness due out later this year.
Engage other people you haven't had contact with for awhile. Simply pick up your phone and call them. Spend time chatting and catching up on your lives since the last time you were together.
Be inspired by the things around you. Pick up a book you've intended to read. Look through a magazine you've left on the coffee table for a year and thumb through it. Lots of ideas could easily jump out, if you allow them to. Perhaps got through a drawer or two you haven't opened in a long time and see what's there. You never know just what you'll find to do.
Get to know yourself better by spending time talking to a close friend. Bare yourself to them. Seek their advice and then listen to your friend carefully. You never know just what your life will be a month or two from now. Allow yourself to see your own faults and work on correcting them.
Make meaningful memories. One evening recently, my wife and I went out for a walk in our neighborhood. After that, we ordered a nice dinner from a local restaurant and drove to pick it up. When we got back to the house, we put a DVD in player, set up a card table and chairs, then ate our meals while watching a movie that we bought several months ago and never watched. After eating, we stopped the movie, put the food and dishes away, folded up the table and chairs and moved to the couch. We turned the movie back on and watched together. It was so much fun. Oh, by the way, we've been married over 52 years. What a memory we have of the two of us sitting together enjoying a movie--at our ages.
Express yourself creatively in some way. Most people have no idea just how creative they can be. We heard a news report that stated that when leaving your home, you should wear some kind of mask, even just a scarf would help. So, my lovely bride came up with several different ideas for making masks for us to wear when we leave the house. Some were rather silly, of course. But we both had fun wearing them and making our neighbors laugh--from a distance.
Chill out. It seems that most Americans seem to be so tightly wound that they have no idea what it means to relax. I know I've been that way at times and my wife seems that way most of the time. These last couple of weeks have been a real eye-opener for both of us. We have relaxed more, exercised more, and have enjoyed being together more than we both can remember. We have found the joy of being together. In a sense, we have both been reminded of just why it was we first got married: we really like to be with each other.
Hopefully, this short article has given you a few ideas of things to do at home with out strangling someone. Perhaps these few sentences have opened your eyes to the possibilities at are at your disposal right in front of you. Remember that happiness is a state of mind that you decide to be in.
Many years ago, I heard my dad say something I've never forgotten. He asked a lady at church, "How are you?" She replied, "Okay, under the circumstances." He smiled and said to her very nicely, "Ms. Agnes, what are you doing under the circumstances? You should get up and get on top. Be in charge of yourself and your circumstances."
Too often we let things or people around us govern how we feel about ourselves and our situations. When we do that, we are people out of control of ourselves and our lives. These times seem opportune, or perhaps any time for that matter, are good times to decide to take control of your life. Don't be under life. Be on top of your own life. Turn your frown upside down. Realize you are blessed just to be alive; and enjoy that fact!
Engage other people you haven't had contact with for awhile. Simply pick up your phone and call them. Spend time chatting and catching up on your lives since the last time you were together.
Be inspired by the things around you. Pick up a book you've intended to read. Look through a magazine you've left on the coffee table for a year and thumb through it. Lots of ideas could easily jump out, if you allow them to. Perhaps got through a drawer or two you haven't opened in a long time and see what's there. You never know just what you'll find to do.
Get to know yourself better by spending time talking to a close friend. Bare yourself to them. Seek their advice and then listen to your friend carefully. You never know just what your life will be a month or two from now. Allow yourself to see your own faults and work on correcting them.
Make meaningful memories. One evening recently, my wife and I went out for a walk in our neighborhood. After that, we ordered a nice dinner from a local restaurant and drove to pick it up. When we got back to the house, we put a DVD in player, set up a card table and chairs, then ate our meals while watching a movie that we bought several months ago and never watched. After eating, we stopped the movie, put the food and dishes away, folded up the table and chairs and moved to the couch. We turned the movie back on and watched together. It was so much fun. Oh, by the way, we've been married over 52 years. What a memory we have of the two of us sitting together enjoying a movie--at our ages.
Express yourself creatively in some way. Most people have no idea just how creative they can be. We heard a news report that stated that when leaving your home, you should wear some kind of mask, even just a scarf would help. So, my lovely bride came up with several different ideas for making masks for us to wear when we leave the house. Some were rather silly, of course. But we both had fun wearing them and making our neighbors laugh--from a distance.
Chill out. It seems that most Americans seem to be so tightly wound that they have no idea what it means to relax. I know I've been that way at times and my wife seems that way most of the time. These last couple of weeks have been a real eye-opener for both of us. We have relaxed more, exercised more, and have enjoyed being together more than we both can remember. We have found the joy of being together. In a sense, we have both been reminded of just why it was we first got married: we really like to be with each other.
Hopefully, this short article has given you a few ideas of things to do at home with out strangling someone. Perhaps these few sentences have opened your eyes to the possibilities at are at your disposal right in front of you. Remember that happiness is a state of mind that you decide to be in.
Many years ago, I heard my dad say something I've never forgotten. He asked a lady at church, "How are you?" She replied, "Okay, under the circumstances." He smiled and said to her very nicely, "Ms. Agnes, what are you doing under the circumstances? You should get up and get on top. Be in charge of yourself and your circumstances."
Too often we let things or people around us govern how we feel about ourselves and our situations. When we do that, we are people out of control of ourselves and our lives. These times seem opportune, or perhaps any time for that matter, are good times to decide to take control of your life. Don't be under life. Be on top of your own life. Turn your frown upside down. Realize you are blessed just to be alive; and enjoy that fact!
Is it possible that you are doing too much? Well … yes, it is. Too much of anything isn’t good (You knew that already) and it’s entirely possible to overextend yourself in almost any situation.
If you focus on things that will benefit you now or in the long run, then you are on the right track. That doesn’t mean that you should do too much, however.
Here are 6 signs you are doing too much:
You’re Mentally and Physically Exhausted
Being a hard worker is admirable, but you want to give yourself time to recover and recuperate. If you can no longer function, then you’ve gone too far and have done too much.
Rick Hanson, Ph.D., a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author says, “Most of a person’s tasks, even all of them, could be individually rewarding and done for a good purpose, but taken as a whole they’re often too much. It’s certainly gotten this way for me.
This is interesting and maybe a way we have never thought of our similar circumstances. Perhaps you need to simply take a vacation or a break of any sort ASAP.
If you focus on things that will benefit you now or in the long run, then you are on the right track. That doesn’t mean that you should do too much, however.
Here are 6 signs you are doing too much:
You’re Mentally and Physically Exhausted
Being a hard worker is admirable, but you want to give yourself time to recover and recuperate. If you can no longer function, then you’ve gone too far and have done too much.
Rick Hanson, Ph.D., a psychologist, Senior Fellow of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and New York Times best-selling author says, “Most of a person’s tasks, even all of them, could be individually rewarding and done for a good purpose, but taken as a whole they’re often too much. It’s certainly gotten this way for me.
This is interesting and maybe a way we have never thought of our similar circumstances. Perhaps you need to simply take a vacation or a break of any sort ASAP.
| Not even the most significant leaders can escape periods where they lack self-confidence. Your self-confidence isn't a static quality but rather a mindset that, when the going gets rough, takes some effort to maintain. It is something that must be learned, practiced, and mastered just like all your other skills. When you can master it, your life will change for the better. Here are six ways you can build your self-confidence. |  |
Act the Part
The one thing that can instantly demonstrate self-assurance, or scream insecurity, is your body language. You always want to present yourself in ways that say that you are ready to master any situation. Looking confident and acting the part will allow you to feel more in control and people will be much more confident with you as well.
The one thing that can instantly demonstrate self-assurance, or scream insecurity, is your body language. You always want to present yourself in ways that say that you are ready to master any situation. Looking confident and acting the part will allow you to feel more in control and people will be much more confident with you as well.
Author
Herb Sennett writes about life and how to enjoy it more.
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