Are you aware that learning to say, "No," is part of better self-care.
There are too many nice people in the world today…or so it might seem, with the number of “yes” folks you run into on a daily basis. However, what about the lesser heard “evil sibling”, the word NO?
As a child, you were raised to be considerate to others, and to accommodate them as much as possible.
How do you know exactly when enough is enough? And more importantly, are you saying no to yourself by saying yes to others every time? Chances are that is exactly what you are doing, even if only subliminally.
Wondering when is the time for you to use your no’s effectively? We’ve got you covered!
July 1967, I escorted my girl-friend at the time back to her dorm. On the front porch of University Hall, I handed her an envelope and asked her to open it. In it was a greeting card. The cover read, “Life is just a bowl of cherries.” On the inside was written, “Full of pits.”
However, below that I had written, “Would you grow old with me?” And below that, I taped to the inside of the card a diamond ring.
Life really is a bowl of cherries with pits. And, I can say truthfully that my life with Beverly has been just that crazy. Pits? Of course; plenty of them. Yet, despite that inauspicious beginning, we’re still married. Allow me to explain why I think our marriage has worked.
One way to approach a sensitive subject is to tell a story. Although fiction, the following story has a ring of truth in it.
Megan stood at the sink looking at the soapy water that held the breakfast dishes. A tear crept down her cheek, so she brushed it aside by a hand covered in soap suds that burned her eyes drawing more tears. Why did he say such terrible things before he left.
He had called her names. He insulted her cooking. Then he left without a “good-bye.” Without a kiss. This was their mornings for the past several months. Her eyes belied her sadness in the life she thought would bring happiness from her “Prince Charming.”
Whimpering she dropped and broke a cup from the good china collection, a gift from her favorite uncle. She starred aghast at the sight of the broken shards on the floor. That sight seemed to indicate to her that nothing would ever change.
She would be chained to this house located five miles from the nearest store and a half-mile to the next house. She stared out the window stranded in the suburbs; stranded and in despair.
I believe everyone understands this situation, not just housewives. And I think most people would be able to tell you the name of someone they know in a comparable situation. This story illustrates the result of two people who seemed to love one another when they got married. But gradually, he took out his frustrations on her when life didn’t turn out like they had expected.
I have a problem with people giving me advice. I know that sounds rather odd, but it's true. But at the same time, I ask people for advice. How do I figure that? I want advice from other people, yet I feel defensive whenever someone gives me what I ask for.
That quandary reminds me of the meme that says, "Be careful what you ask for. You might get it." Maybe that's my issue all along. I don't want advice, yet I need advice. I don't like people giving me advice, yet I feel apprehensive when people give me advice when I ask them. But, isn't that what friends are for? Aren't they supposed to be there for me when I need them. And one thing friends can do better than anyone else -- because they know me better -- is to share with me ideas and advice that can help me.
Herb Sennett writes about life and how to enjoy it more.