I love this clip! Watching it took me back some fifty-five years to my first date. I felt just like Chase did in this video. Like him, I stumbled all over myself thinking I had just messed everything up. But, at the end of the evening, she (her name was Karen) said, “Yes to getting together again. My memory of that night was that she seemed much more comfortable than I was; not unlike Chase.
Sadly, we learn later that Grace had experienced some difficulty that influenced her actions at the time of this moment in the movie. She had a little better understanding of what she wanted for herself in a relationship. Chase did not have a clue. Even as I look back on my years as a teen, I’m grateful that Karen was as kind, gentle, and understanding: perhaps as Grace was in this clip. Dating is a traumatic experience to go through these days. The pressures are almost overwhelming for kids to be exactly what they think the other person wants them to be. The problem is that both are trying the please the other and neither one is pleased with the results. The story in this movie traces the experiences of two couples about the same age. The contrast between their actions and decisions of each couple is fascinating as you will see in September.
I discovered that even in college, I was a bit uncertain of what I wanted until I met the young lady who became my wife. Many people have asked me, “How did you know she was the right one?” My answer has always been the same: “I didn’t know. Over time, I realized that I thoroughly enjoyed being with her; and she seemed to enjoy being with me. Oh, neither one of us was trying to please the other. We discovered the joy of being ourselves with no expectations of the other. And therein, I believe, is the secret to discovering a great relationship that has the potential of lasting a long time.
Teens find themselves in the middle of having to make life-changing decisions at a time when they are least prepared to make them. Girls try to “please” their boyfriends by thinking that if we have sex, he’ll love me forever. Unfortunately, that belief has led many a young lady into raising a child as a single parent.
The dating scene was never intended for boys and girls to get laid; it was and has been for boys and girls to learn about each other and how other people think and feel about life. Over the years as that knowledge grows, both usually discover the “type” of person with whom they’d like to spend the rest of their lives.
Note Grace’s attitude. She tells Chase that all she wants is to be friends. That moment in the film forced my mind back more than fifty years ago when I was first dating the girl who became my wife. She made it clear from the start that she was interested in getting to know me as a friend—almost identical to the scene in the movie. It’s fascinating that in my life, I made a dumb mistake on our first date that later I apologize for and got a “do-over” like depicted near the end of this brief scene.
That moment for me was literally the start of a relationship that has lasted more than fifty years. (Oh, and I enjoy being with her today even more than I did way back when!) And this moment in the movie is a major turning point in Chase and Grace’s relationship. It is here that they both decide they’re going to give it a try. And it is here that we discover how Grace got her name.
Building relationships are not easy to do. They take time and effort along with a great deal of patience. I’m not referring to just dating or finding your true love. All relationships that are important to us require all three. You must spend time together: not just quality time, but lots of time. You must work at getting to know the other without judging or criticizing. Then you must be patient with yourself and the other person. Then those three must be mixed and refined with a heavy measure of trust: the one things that binds two people together no matter the relationship. And as you work on building a relationship (even a good friend), you must always allow that person to be who they are by accepting them just as they are, not as you want them to be or think that they should be. When you do that, the potential for a life-long relationship becomes more realistic. So, I suggest that you work toward accepting and loving without conditions. Then your life will be far more enriched than you will ever understand or believe.