Trust in Relationships
A Key to Loving Life
by Dr. Herb Sennett
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During a discussion in one of my speech classes a student asked me this question: “How can I know if the relationship I’m in is working or not?” My answer to her question was another question (a bit of the Aristotelian methodology): “Do you trust him completely?”
Her answer was telling as she spoke without hesitation. |
“No. Not really.”
My reply?
“If you can’t trust him now, the chances of you ever trusting him is in doubt. Find someone you trust and you’ll find a relationship you won’t question.”
Whether we want to believe it or not, the center post of all relationships is the degree of trust between two people. The less you trust one another, the less important the relationship is. The more you trust one another, the more important the relationship becomes. In my research, I have noted that there seems to be a direct proportional relationship between the level of trust and the level of intimacy between two people.
Allow me to illustrate.
My wife and I have a couple of favorite restaurants that we frequent. We also can tell you of several other restaurants that we rarely, if ever, visit--anymore. The reason for the frequency of visits is our trust in the management of the establishment’s ability to consistently serve delicious food at a reasonable price with outstanding service. I have lots of trust in those places we frequent. However, my trust in the other places we do not frequent has been eroded by the food and service provided. I’ll bet nearly everyone can identify with that.
Several surveys over the past twenty years have shown that the number one reason why couples split up is over money. However, when you dig into the studies, you find that the arguments are not exactly about money, but rather each person in the relationship has a deep distrust in how the other person is handling the money. A comparable situation has to do with infidelity, which is a major cause of the lack of trust in the “other” of the relationship. Again, one person has shown the other he/she cannot be trusted with their responsibility to be loyal in the relationship.
Note that the surveys dealt with persons in a “committed” relationship as defined by the couples surveyed. Most were married, but others were not. Yet they felt they were in an exclusive relationship. But, trust is fundamental in any relationship! A friendship is often broken off because one of the “friends” has shared some secret with a different person. So, the friendship is dissolved over a lack of trust.
Trust is important! Never underestimate that fact. Whether you are married, engaged, dating, friendly, business partners, colleagues, or just shopping at a local store, once the “other” in the relationship shows they cannot be trusted, the relationship is immediately in jeopardy and usually does not last much longer. So, it is your responsibility to be that person who can be trusted no matter what.
My reply?
“If you can’t trust him now, the chances of you ever trusting him is in doubt. Find someone you trust and you’ll find a relationship you won’t question.”
Whether we want to believe it or not, the center post of all relationships is the degree of trust between two people. The less you trust one another, the less important the relationship is. The more you trust one another, the more important the relationship becomes. In my research, I have noted that there seems to be a direct proportional relationship between the level of trust and the level of intimacy between two people.
Allow me to illustrate.
My wife and I have a couple of favorite restaurants that we frequent. We also can tell you of several other restaurants that we rarely, if ever, visit--anymore. The reason for the frequency of visits is our trust in the management of the establishment’s ability to consistently serve delicious food at a reasonable price with outstanding service. I have lots of trust in those places we frequent. However, my trust in the other places we do not frequent has been eroded by the food and service provided. I’ll bet nearly everyone can identify with that.
Several surveys over the past twenty years have shown that the number one reason why couples split up is over money. However, when you dig into the studies, you find that the arguments are not exactly about money, but rather each person in the relationship has a deep distrust in how the other person is handling the money. A comparable situation has to do with infidelity, which is a major cause of the lack of trust in the “other” of the relationship. Again, one person has shown the other he/she cannot be trusted with their responsibility to be loyal in the relationship.
Note that the surveys dealt with persons in a “committed” relationship as defined by the couples surveyed. Most were married, but others were not. Yet they felt they were in an exclusive relationship. But, trust is fundamental in any relationship! A friendship is often broken off because one of the “friends” has shared some secret with a different person. So, the friendship is dissolved over a lack of trust.
Trust is important! Never underestimate that fact. Whether you are married, engaged, dating, friendly, business partners, colleagues, or just shopping at a local store, once the “other” in the relationship shows they cannot be trusted, the relationship is immediately in jeopardy and usually does not last much longer. So, it is your responsibility to be that person who can be trusted no matter what.
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